


The Labor of My Love

by wayward_winter_soldier



Series: I'm Not Supposed to Love You [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Bisexual Cisco Ramon, Cisco Ramon Needs A Hug, Cisco Ramon Whump, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flashbacks, Hallucinations, Hurt Cisco Ramon, M/M, Manipulative Eobard Thawne | Harrison Wells, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Imbalance, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28683363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayward_winter_soldier/pseuds/wayward_winter_soldier
Summary: Cisco knows that this new Harrison Wells isn't the one who hurt him. He knows it's illogical to fear him.But he makes it so damn easy.
Relationships: Cisco Ramon/Eobard Thawne | Harrison Wells
Series: I'm Not Supposed to Love You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2173572
Comments: 18
Kudos: 27





	1. Can Anybody Hear Me, or Am I Talking to Myself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new fic with multiple chapters?!?!? WOW!  
> I've read a couple of fics like this and wanted to write my own. it's gonna be told through flashbacks a lot because i just thought that would be really interesting. i hope you enjoy it!

> "'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut  
> Sending SOS from this tiny box  
> And I lost all signal when I lifted off  
> Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot  
> Can I please come down?"
> 
> _\- Astronaut, Simple Plan_

* * *

Cisco Ramon closed his eyes tightly and counted backward from ten. His feet were firmly planted on the ground of his workshop and he sat at his desk chair, breathing deeply as he counted.

This was impossible. There was no way this was real.

_Better believe it, Francisco._

No, stop, stop, _stop!_

Cisco pressed his hands against the side of his head, his breath quickening. 

No one could know. No one could know. _No one could know._

_I always told you I would come back._

No, no, absolutely not!

Cisco opened his eyes, letting his hands fall to his lap. He was alone in his workshop and he was glad for it. No one needed to see him having a mental breakdown.

_Don't worry, Francisco, I'll always be here, even when you lose that beautiful mind of yours._

He ignored the voice, hugging his arms around his torso.

What had he done to deserve such a cruel fate? Was this punishment for not eating his vegetables as a child? All the mean things he called Dante in his head? The particle accelerator explosion?

The particle accelerator wasn't his fault, the particle accelerator wasn't his fault, _the particle accelerator wasn't his fault._

He had helped build it, hadn't he? He had ignored Hartley Rathaway's rants about how dangerous the machine was. He had blindly trusted a man who meant him harm. He hadn't seen the warning signs. He should have seen it coming. He only meant him harm. He never loved him. It was all a lie. A ploy. 

_You could have stopped anytime, Francisco. You could have said no._

A part of Cisco told him it was wrong, but he couldn't help it.

He still loved Harrison Wells. Even if he really was Eobard Thawne. Even if he had damaged him beyond repair.

* * *

Earth-2 Harrison Wells hadn't been expecting the short man to run at the sight of him. Well, he also hadn't expected to be shot at, but such was life.

"Don't worry about him," Barry Allen had said with a large sigh as if he held the entire world on his boney shoulders. "He's... It's nothing."

"It didn't look like nothing," Wells said, a neutral look on his face as he thought of the young man's terrified face when he had seen him. "What did my counter-part do to him?"

"I... it's not my place to say," Barry admitted awkwardly, scratching the back of his head nervously. 

"Well, it's not like he's gonna tell me," said the doctor, turning to look at Barry. "So, indulge me."

"Your doppelganger may have... killed him."

Wells squinted a bit in confusion. "Well, he looks great for being dead."

Barry gave a fake chuckle. "Um, yeah, well... that was in a different timeline that I erased. But he still remembers it. You -he- put his hand through Cisco's heart."

Wells didn't say anything for a moment. That look on the man's face. There was no way the other Wells had _just_ killed him. There was something else there. Something more. More trauma.

And he was going to figure out what it was.

* * *

_It was late when Dr. Wells walked into Cisco's workshop. Cisco hadn't even noticed the time or the fact that he was off three hours ago._

_"Burning the late-night oil, Mr. Ramon," Dr. Wells said, a rare smile on his face._

_Cisco jumped in response, not expecting to hear a voice break into the sound of Fall Out Boy coming out of his speakers._

_"Dr. Wells, I'm so sorry, I must have lost track of time and-"_

_Dr. Wells held his hand up to stop the rambling engineer, who quickly quieted down, the nervous look still on his face._

_"It's okay, really. I applaud your dedication to our project."_

_Cisco took a deep breath, a small smile forming on his face. "Th-thank you, Sir."_

_Dr. Wells walked into the room, looking around at the various projects Cisco was working on. Cisco looked nervous but stood his ground, looking up at Dr. Wells stood only a few inches away from him._

_"I'm very proud of your work here," Dr. Wells said, placing a hand on Cisco's shoulder. Cisco swore he felt sparks fly just like in the cheesy movies._

_"Th-thank you," Cisco said, shyly meeting Dr. Well's eyes._

_"It's late, let me take you to dinner. You must be starving."_

_Cisco was hungry, he had to admit that. He nodded, smiling as Dr. Wells took his hand and led him out of the workshop._

_He should have said no. He should have just went home. He should, he should,_ he should.

_Cisco wished he could change the past._

* * *

Caitlin Snow knocked on the doorframe on Cisco's workshop, releasing him from his thoughts. He looked over, a nervous smile on his face.

"Hey, Cait," he said, his voice a bit shaky. He rolled his desk chair away from the table and to the middle of the room, looking expectantly at his friend.

"Hi, Cisco. I was just coming to check on you. You seemed really freaked when Earth-2 Wells got here, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Cisco was far from okay. Okay wasn't even in Cisco's solar system. It wasn't even in his fucking galaxy.

"I'm okay," he said, the fake smile still on his face. Caitlin looked like she didn't believe him, but she didn't press on.

"Okay. Well, you know that I'm always here if you want to talk. So is Barry. We're your friends and we care about you. You know that, right?"

Cisco nodded rapidly. "Of course, of course, thank you."

She smiled sadly. "Yeah. What are friends for?"

Cisco didn't really know.


	2. I Never Try To Do Anything, I Never Mean To Hurt Anyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo what's up guys! school has only been back in session for less than two days and I'm already worn out lmao  
> hope you enjoy the chapter!

> "But no one ever will take my side  
> All I ever do is take the fall  
> I swear, I swear that I'm a good kid  
> Guess I'm good for nothing at"
> 
> _\- Good Kid, The Lightning Thief: Percy Jackson Musical_

* * *

Cisco tossed and turned in bed that night, unable to sleep. He wasn't sure he actually wanted to sleep anyway. He dreaded sleeping, ever since the weird dreams started. And now they were happening in the day-time and Cisco didn't know what to do.

He had told Barry he remembered the alternate timeline, but that was only because Barry had seemed really freaked out about it. When asked how he possibly could have known what had happened in a timeline that officially didn't exist, he had shrugged and said he hadn't known. Everyone seemed fine with that answer. But Cisco knew the truth.

There was something wrong with him. Like, seriously wrong with him.

He rolled over once more, tossing the blankets off of his body as he had suddenly become very warm. This was wrong, he knew he had to sleep sometime. He couldn't survive on sugar and coffee alone, at least not for an extended period of time. But there was a little part of him that wondered why he had to survive at all. There was a man that looked exactly like the one that had hurt him just a year ago. What was the point of leaving his apartment each day and going back to the lab? Was he really needed?

_Never underestimate your contributions, Cisco._

No, stop, stop, stop, don't think about it!

_You're smart Cisco, but you're not that smart._

"Get the hell out of my head!" Cisco yelled, sitting up quickly as he buried his face in his hands.

_You're incredibly clever, Cisco. I've always said so._

"Please, just leave me alone!" he cried, tears streaming down his face and into his hands.

_Don't be afraid, Cisco, a great and vulnerable destiny awaits you now. I only hope that as you're living a great adventure, that you remember who gave you that life and that it was given out of love._

_"Stop!"_ Cisco shouted loudly. It was as if some sort of energy was released from him. The room shook and Cisco fell off the bed and onto the wooden floor. Picture frames rattled on the walls and books and knickknacks fell to the ground. 

"What the..." Cisco looked around, his eyes full of worry. What had just happened?

_I knew you had it in you, Francisco._

He stayed on the floor and curled up into a ball, crying until he was so exhausted he fell asleep.

* * *

When Cisco woke up the next morning he was on the floor of his bedroom and had dried blood under his nose. Well, he didn't know about the blood until he limped into his bathroom and looked in the mirror, horrified at the sight of himself.

His hair was a rat's nest and there were huge purple bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep. And, of course, the old bloody nose that he hadn't remembered having. What had he done last night to warrant a bloody nose?

_Your little "outburst," Francisco._

Right. Shit. That actually happened? That wasn't just an awful dream?

_Better believe it._

"G-d, do you never shut up?" Cisco mumbled, wetting a washcloth to wash the blood off his face. He sighed, letting water from the faucet run over his hands so he could at least try to tame his hair, even if it was a lost cause.

_They don't even know what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours, pet._

Cisco sneered, slamming his fist down on the sink counter. "Shut the fuck up, don't call me that!"

_What? You love that nickname!_

"I don't and you fucking know it," Cisco spat, running his hands through his hair. Yeah, he was definitely losing his damn mind. He wasn't here. He was gone, dead.

_I'm not really dead. Not in your mind, anyway._

Cisco ignored him, tossing the now bloody washcloth into his laundry hamper and going to his closet to get an outfit for the day. He wanted nothing more than to never step foot in S.T.A.R. Labs ever again, but he knew that was impossible. There was no way he could just not show up without outrage from Barry and Caitlin. They knew how he was feeling around Earth-2 Harrison Wells so they were keeping an extremely watchful eye on him like he was a flight risk or something. He did suppose he technically was a flight risk, but that didn't matter.

He tossed the shirt he had slept in to the ground, looking down at his torso like he did every morning. As if the scars would simply disappear. Like nothing had ever happened. Even he wasn't that dumb and naive. His fingers traced a truly nasty one that ran for a few inches just above his bellybutton. He dropped his hand, no longer wanting to think about the past. Cisco grabbed the first T-shirt hanging in the closet, a Star Trek one that had Deep Space Nine on it. He pulled it on, covering the scars. That felt a little better. He finished dressing, leaving the dirty clothes on the floor for him to trip over later that night. He didn't have the energy to do anything about them at the time. 

Cisco grabbed his wallet, phone, keys, and bag and exited his apartment, locking the door behind him. He would just stop at Jitters for breakfast. Well, when he said breakfast he actually meant coffee. He hadn't actually been eating all that much as of late. He knew that wasn't a good sign but he honestly didn't care enough to do anything about his new toxic habits. It gave him a strange sense of control that he couldn't really explain. He kind of like it, he thought as he walked to the bus stop, tapping his fingers against his side as he walked, looking down at his shoes instead of at the people around him. 

_They're all staring at you, freak._

Cisco tried to brush off the comment. Like that ever worked.

* * *

_"When I get home late from the lab, I expect dinner to be done, Francisco!" Dr. Wells shouted, throwing his briefcase down on the expensive couch._

_Cisco jumped at the volume of his voice, the wooden spoon still in his hand. He gripped it so tightly his knuckles turned white._

_"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry, Sir!" Cisco whispered, not daring to look Dr. Wells in the eyes. That wasn't allowed without permission._

_"Oh, you're sorry? Is that all you have to say for yourself?" Dr. Wells asked, moving very close to Cisco._

_"Y-yes-"_

_"Look at me when I speak to you!"_

_Cisco's eyes immediately darted up to meet Dr. Wells, tears falling down his face silently. "Sir... I-"_

_"I ask so little of you, Francisco," Dr. Wells sighed as he started to circle around Cisco like a shark would its prey. "And you always seem to let me down."_

_"It... it won't hap-happen again," Cisco said in an even smaller voice if that was even possible._

_"You lie when you say that."_

_Cisco shook his head rapidly. "No, no, no I promise-"_

_Wells laid his hand threateningly on Cisco's shoulder, making the shorter man cease his pleas. "This cannot go unpunished. You know that, don't you?"_

_Cisco nodded sadly._

_"Use your words, Francisco!"_

_"Y-yes, Sir!" Cisco squeaked, the tears still coming down his face._

_Dr. Wells gave Cisco a look of remorse. "You know I hate to do this to you, my love. But you must learn."_

_"Y-yes, S-sir," Cisco replied, letting Wells take the spoon out of his hand. He placed it on the counter with a loud_ clang _._

_"Come," Wells said, taking Cisco by the wrist and leading him to the living room. Cisco's heart beat rapidly in his chest as Wells pushed him down onto the living room floor. His hands now free, he started to remove his belt. Cisco couldn't help but cry out in anticipation._

_"We wouldn't have to do this if you would just listen," Wells reminded him, belt looped around his hand. "Take your shirt off."_

_Cisco complied, holding his discarded shirt in his hands like a safety blanket._

_"If you scream, I'll add ten more," Wells warned, bringing the belt up above his head. "Count out-loud and thank me for giving you another chance."_

_The belt came down upon Cisco's back and he whimpered. "O-one. Th-th-thank you for a sec-second ch-chance, Sir."_

_It continued until Wells reached twenty-five._

_"Go clean yourself up and finish dinner. You're not sleeping in bed tonight. Naughty pets don't deserve comfort."_

_"Y-yes, Sir," Cisco sobbed, standing and making his way to the bathroom to clean up the blood on his back._

* * *

Cisco entered S.T.A.R. Labs a little later than he usually did. Caitlin gave him a look of concern but said nothing about his tardiness or appearance.

"Barry's swamped at CCPD. He'll be in a little after lunch," she informed him.

"Great. I'll be in my workshop," Cisco said tiredly.

"Actually, Ramon, I wanted to talk to you."

Cisco's blood ran cold at the sound of Earth-2 Wells' voice. He turned, his heart beating loudly, so loud he was surprised no one else heard it.

"About what," he said cautiously. 

Earth-2 Wells (G-d, he needed a better name) shrugged. "Just... things. Guy stuff."

Cisco didn't know what guy stuff was. He looked warily over at Caitlin, who had seemed to decide she was staying out of it. So much for her help. He sighed, rubbing his temple with his fingers.

"Yeah, sure. Make it quick. I have stuff to do," Cisco replied, turning his back to walk to his workshop. He heard Earth-2 Wells (Harry, that was a good name) follow him. His stomach tied into a knot as he entered his workshop, taking a seat in his computer chair. He awkwardly folded his hands together so Harry wouldn't see them shake. He seemed more preoccupied with the workshop than Cisco at the moment, though.

"What do you want?" Cisco said roughly, hoping that his voice didn't shake.

"I want to know what he did to you."

Cisco froze, looking over at the man. "I don't know what-"

"Allen told me. About the whole death in alternate timeline thing."

"Well, then it seems you have your answer."

Harry walked closer to where Cisco sat, making him nervous. "No, that can't be all."

"I dunno what to tell you, man. That's the story."

Harry shook his head. "There's something you're hiding. Not just from me, but from your friends. So, what did he do to you?"

"I'm not hiding _anything!"_ Cisco yelled, standing from his chair quickly. "And I don't appreciate the interrogation. So, if you'll excuse me, I have some important work to get done here."

Harry held his hands up in a surrender motion and backed away, watching as Cisco began to tinker with the nearest piece of tech on his desk. He stepped out of the workshop, leaning against the wall right next to the entrance. 

"Shut up," he heard Cisco growl to nobody. "I don't care what he thinks and I definitely don't care what _you_ think."

This only made Harry more curious. 


	3. As My Memory Rests, But Never Forgets What I Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! i hope you are enjoying the story so far!

> "Here comes the rain again  
> Falling from the stars  
> Drenched in my pain again  
> Becoming who we are"
> 
> _\- Wake Me Up When September Ends, Green Day_

* * *

"Barry, there's something wrong with Cisco."

The CSI sighed, positioning his head so he could hold his cell phone between the side of his face and his shoulder. 

"Caitlin, I have a lot of wor-"

"Barry Allen, this is important, damn it!"

He froze, dropping the file he had had in his hands on the desk, grabbing his phone, and placing it against his ear attentively. "What's wrong? Is he hurt?"

"No, not physically, but Barry... there's something going on with him and the new Wells. It's... G-d, Barry, it's like PTSD or something..."

Barry said nothing. Caitlin had a right to know about the alternative timeline Barry had created where Cisco had died at the hands of Eobard Thawne. She had every right to know. He just couldn't bring himself to tell her, especially over the phone.

"I'll be done in an hour. I'll talk to him when I get to the lab. Deal?"

Caitlin huffed a bit in annoyance but agreed. The call ended and Barry sighed once more, throwing his phone onto his desk, not caring all that much if it broke. How could he have ignored his best friend's pain for so long? He knew Earth-2 Wells being there had to be doing something to Cisco's psyche, yet he didn't seem to care all that much. What the hell was wrong with him? He knew how Cisco felt about the man. He should have taken that into account.

He decided to lock the door of his lab and speed around to finish the paperwork as quickly as possible, so he could talk to Cisco.

* * *

The office had been abandoned for quite some time, Harry noted. There were a couple of white sheets thrown over the furniture, which he ripped off, tossing them to the ground. Light streamed through the windows, making the entire atmosphere very creepy indeed. However, Harry knew this office like the back of his hand.

It was his, after all.

He took a seat at the desk, pushing himself closer to the dusty computer. He turned it on, listening to how it whirled to life after so many months of disuse. It took a little longer than expected to boot up, but Harry was in no rush. The lock screen appeared, prompting Harry to enter his password.

 _Tess_.

Password accepted.

For the first time since his arrival, Harry was glad they shared a common trait.

Harry clicked on the file icon. He wasn't really sure what he expected to find. Would he really leave incriminating evidence on his work computer? Depends on the evidence, he supposed, scrolling through the files that were all named very mundane things, like "blueprints for partaccel" and "paystub236". However, when he continued to scroll, he found a file password protected.

Strange. Who would password protect a file on their own computer that already had a password on it? It couldn't be the previous password. Could it?

Harry typed in "Tess" once again. Nothing. He racked his mind for every possible password he had. This Earth's Harrison Wells didn't have a daughter, so Jessie's birthday, name, and nickname were off the table. He tried his own birthday. Nothing. He tried Tess' birthday. Nothing. Fuck, he tried the name of the pet dog he had growing up. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

"What the hell is your password, Wells?" Harry said out-loud, running his hand through his short hair. He looked around the desk for a clue. Perhaps a photograph. Anything. His eyes caught sight of a golden ring with a small lightning bolt engraved onto it.

He smiled. Of course. He was thinking like Harrison Wells. But this file wasn't Harrison Wells'. It was _his_.

What had Snow said the man's name was when he first arrived? Thawne. Eobard Thawne.

He tried the name. 

Nothing.

Harry cursed, leaning back into his chair. He opened the top desk drawer. Maybe he would find a planner or something. Maybe he could find the man's birthday. Right, because your own birthday for a password was real original. He looked inside. Among some paper clips and loose pens, there was a leather-bound journal. Jackpot. He picked it up carefully as if it would crumble in his hands. Untying the string that kept it together, he opened it. A photograph immediately fell out and onto his lap. Placing the journal next to the keyboard, he retrieved the picture.

It was him- well, Thawne- and another familiar face.

Cisco Ramon.

The two were smiling at what looked to be a sort of party. Odd. How close did one normally get with their boss? He wasn't sure, he made it a habit to shut just about everybody out. He flipped the image over, gazing at the writing on the back. "Francisco's twenty-fourth birthday party."

Harry thought for a moment before slipping the image back into the journal. He slowly typed "Francisco" into the password bar.

Success.

* * *

Barry knocked softly on the doorframe of Cisco's workshop as not to scare him.

He scared him anyway.

"Oh! It's you. Sorry, I've been so jumpy lately," Cisco said, giving Barry a small smile that the taller man saw right through.

"Less coffee," he recommended, eyes directed towards Cisco's S.T.A.R. Labs coffee cup. Cisco blushed but took a sip from the mug anyway.

"So, what's up?"

Barry took a seat in one of the empty chairs Cisco kept around his workshop. 

_This should be good. A heart-to-heart._

Cisco ignored Thawne's voice in his head, instead placing his mug down on the table once again and turning to face his friend. "Barry, what's wrong?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you, man," Barry said, rubbing the back of his head nervously. "What's up with you? I know Earth-2 Wells being here has gotten us all worked up, especially you, but..."

Barry trailed off, not really knowing how to finish his sentence. "We're worried about you."

Cisco scoffed. "Caitlin put you up to this?"

"No," Barry lied.

Cisco rolled his eyes. "You're a bad liar. Look, I'm fine. I promise. It's just taking a little getting used to is all. If something's on my mind, I'll tell you? Okay?"

Barry seemed like he wanted to argue, to tell Cisco that he knew he was bullshiting him, but he didn't. He sighed, standing from his chair.

"Promise?"

"Scout's honor," Cisco grinned.

Barry smiled back and left, hoping he was making the right decision in not pushing Cisco for answers. 


	4. Diamonds Do Appear to Be Just Like Broken Glass to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for all of your comments! They make my day!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!!!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: NON-GRAPHIC RAPE SCENE AT THE END!!!!

> "Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves  
>  I know the world's a broken bone  
>  But melt your headaches, call it home"
> 
> _\- Panic! At the Disco, Northern Downpour_

* * *

Cisco laid his head against his desk, not caring that it wasn't very comfortable or that his hair was getting tangled in one of his screwdrivers he had abandoned there. He squeezed his eyes closed tightly as if that alone would cease the headache rippling through his mind. The coolness of the desktop was helping a little, he had to admit. These headaches of his were getting out of hand. He knew he should tell someone, anyone, about them. Of course, knowing you should do something and actually doing it were two very different things. 

Taking to his friends should not be _this_ hard, he thought, opening his eyes a bit. They cared about him, he knew that. They worried about him, that he also knew. So why was it so damn hard to just say "hey, I feel like shit, guys"?

Cisco lifted his head up from the desk, running his calloused hands over his face and through his hair. 

_They would laugh at you if you told them the truth._

G-d, not now. Cisco sighed heavily.

_They already see you as weak. Imagine how they would see you if the truth got out._

"Shut the _hell_ up!" Cisco shouted, standing swiftly from his chair and letting it shoot backward, knocking into a shelf. His fists fell sharply onto the desk in front of him, hurting his knuckles in the process. Tears welled up in his eyes and he quickly rubbed them away angrily. This was so fucking stupid, stupid, stupid, _stupid!_

_You know exactly how to get rid of me, Francisco._

Cisco swore he felt a breath on his neck. He turned rapidly, coming face-to-face with Eobard Thawne.

* * *

Harry wasn't exactly sure what he was going to find in the file. Even after all the trouble he went to unlock the damn thing, he felt as if he shouldn't look at it. That was a stupid thought and he knew it. He was never one to suppress his curiosity. That was what it meant to be a scientist. And besides, he hardly knew Cisco Ramon. This wasn't even really about him if he thought about it. All Harry wanted to know was what Eobard Thawne had done to the kid. That was all. Right, this was about Wells, not Ramon. He didn't care about the guy, he barely knew him. He just wanted to know the truth. That was all Harry ever really wanted. No, this was purely educational. He had no emotional ties to this.

He clicked on the unlock file, letting it open on the desktop.

It was as if he had entered an entirely different computer. The file he had unlock contained an account that greatly differed from the one he had first logged into. It was as if he had entered some sort of Dark Web application. He was beginning to doubt himself once again, but clicked on the first file anyway, not wanting to back out now. Inside was a number of mp4 files, all with titles that only included numbers. There weren't even thumbnails to give him a hint about what the videos possibly could contain. He nervously clicked on the first video, reminding himself this was purely scientific in nature.

* * *

_The camera shook a bit as Dr. Wells set it up. He smiled at the camera but it was slightly off-putting for some reason. The man backed away from the camera to show the location of the film, Well's office at S.T.A.R. Labs. The man sat at his desk as if nothing had happened, typing on his computer. There was a soft knock at the door and he looked up expectantly._

_"Come in!"_

_The heavy door opened to reveal Cisco. His hair was tied back into a bun and he wore a suit jacket over a graphic T-Shirt that said something about what happens in the Holodeck stays in the Holodeck. He had a small but warry smile on his face as he entered, closing the office door behind him._

_"You wanted to see me, sir?" Cisco asked, his voice small. He didn't seem to notice the camera. Perhaps it was hidden._

_"Yes, Mr. Ramon, come in. Take a seat."_

_Cisco obeyed, sitting down in one of the chairs that sat right in front of Wells' desk, his hands folded in his lap and his leg began to bob up and down uncontrollably._

_"You're not in trouble," Wells said, obviously noticing Cisco's bouncing knee. The engineer blushed deeply, placing a nervous hand on his thigh as to cease the movement._

_Wells stood, pushing his chair back as he began to walk out from behind his desk and closer to Cisco, who looked rather nervous._

_"I was wondering if you'd like to get dinner sometime."_

_Cisco froze, not seeming to think Wells would say that. "I'm... what?"_

_"Would you like to get dinner sometime?"_

_Cisco nodded slowly, not looking at his boss. Wasn't this wrong? This seemed wrong. But he couldn't say no to the man who paid his paychecks, could he?_

_"You don't have to if you don't want to," Dr. Wells said, a smirk on his face. "You can say no."_

_"No, no, I would... I would love to, Dr. Wells."_

_The doctor smiled, placing a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Please. Call me Harrison."_

* * *

Harry watched as the first video ended, confused. This... wasn't what he had been expecting. Well, he thought, what _had_ he been expecting? Torture porn and snuff films? What if Thawne had nothing to hide. But then again, if every video on his account was this tame, it wouldn't have been password protected, would it? There had to be more. All Harry needed to do was dig deep. He minimized the video files, going towards a file labeled pictures.

He wasn't ready for the photos that met his eyes.

The video... G-d, the video was nothing compared to the images that burned into his eyes. Thousands of images of Cisco with various injuries and scars. He clicked on one to enlarge it, an image of Cisco's face with a large purple bruise prominent on his cheek as if someone had slapped him very hard. His eyes were closed tightly, either due to the pain or the flash of the camera. Harry felt his stomach tie in knots as he clicked the next button. A picture of Cisco's back, long, jagged, bloody lines running down his tender skin. Whip marks.

This motherfucker _whipped_ him.

Harry knew he had promised himself that this was all for research purposes, but he couldn't help but feel rage for Eobard Thawne form inside of him. Cisco was about the age of Jessie. What if this had happened to her? What if she had been hurt and abused and manipulated by someone she loved and trusted? 

He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes as if that would remove the memories of Thawne's computer files. He had to keep going. He knew that. He had to see everything. Cisco deserved someone out there who knew what he had gone through. He deserved a person to talk to if he so chose.

Harry maximized the video files once again and clicked on one closer to the bottom.

* * *

_"You never fucking learn, do you!"_

_"I-I'm so-sorry! I'm so sor-ry!"_

_Wells stood over the crippled body of Cisco, who laid on his back and tried to curl himself up as much as possible despite all four of his limbs being attached to chains. His hair laid in his face, covering bruises and a bloody nose that was most likely broken. Wells- no, this was Eobard, this was Thawne- brought his leather belt down upon Cisco's back once more, making the young man cry out in pain,_

_"I've told you a hundred times!" Thawne screamed, kicking Cisco in the side, making him try even more to curl into a little ball. "You must ask permission before going out anywhere! You know this!"_

_"B-Barry surprised me, I'm s-sorry!"_

_The belt came down once again. "I don't give a damn about Barry Allen and you know that! You could have told him. You could have let it slip!"_

_The man walked around Cisco, glaring down upon him. He was standing, his wheelchair abandoned in the corner of the room._

_"I w-wouldn't, I promise!"_

_"Your promises mean nothing to me, pet."_

_Cisco recoiled at the name. Thawne dropped the belt, leaning down. "You'll have to show me how sorry you are."_

_The young man nodded rapidly, tears still streaming silently down his face. His cries became louder when Thawne penetrated his from behind, his clothes abandoned and Cisco's cries through the rape ignored._


	5. The Good May Come and Go Away While Bad News Waits For You to Wake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! How's it going? I hope good! Okay, so the song I chose for this chapter is actually one of my new faves and I actually love it so much I may in the future make a sort of song-fic to it if that's something you guys would be interested in reading. It would most likely be Cisco.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter and if you haven't heard the song I highly recommend cause it's sooooo good!
> 
> ON WITH THE CHAPTER!!!

> "Can you see me, my love, up there above?  
> When you were dying, I was dying too  
> Looked for meaning in song, but the meaning was gone  
> 'Cause I was crying right along with you  
> If the heavens may break, I hope for our sake  
> That if they ever do, I'll be there with you"
> 
> _\- I'll Be There, Hollywood Undead_

* * *

Harry sighed deeply, closing out of a particularly vomit-inducing video stored on Thawne's computer. It had involved yet another graphic rape scene and Cisco getting his shoulder dislocated then harshly relocated once more. Harry felt his stomach clench in that way it did when one viewed something horrific and they could do nothing about it. It was like watching a car accident at this point. Morbid curiosity won out, with a hint of a need to understand exactly what the young engineer had gone through.

He had not spoken a word about the computer files since he found them almost a week ago. No one seemed to question where Harry went during the day. He wanted to digest it all before telling Cisco or really anyone about his discovery. They must have not known about the computer files. He thought that perhaps Cisco knew of their existence, but maybe he assumed they would never see the light of day. Maybe he had forgotten they existed. And, just maybe, he had no idea Thawne had been filming him.

Harry scoffed at the thought of that. It was disgusting. Everything he learned about this man was disgusting. How could someone treat a human being like this? What went through his mind when he did these horrible things to poor Cisco? Harry couldn't understand. Sure, he could be a dick sometimes, but he would never...

He would never do this.

Harry's eyes looked over at the leather journal he had found in the desk drawer. He had almost forgotten about it. In his defense, his main goal had been the computer, the journal was simply a tool he used to access the files. He picked the book up, untying it and opening it to the first page, grabbing the image that had clued him in in Thawne's password and setting it delicately on the desk. The writing seemed to be less about Cisco and more about Thawne and his plan to use Allen's powers to go back home. It was a lot of ramblings and math equations that Harry simply ignored. He continued to flip, hoping to find something of use. Finally, he did.

 _I seem to be overlooking Vibe. Though his powers have yet to manifest, they would benefit me greatly, much more than Flash's. Flash can time travel, sure. But Vibe? Vibe could be a god. He could be mine. I could be a god. I've looked him up in the future. Savior of Central City, becomes very important when the Flash disappears. I can take him back with me, back home. With his powers and mine, no one could stop me. Francisco Ramon is_ mine.

Harry dropped the book. Cisco had powers? Why had no one mentioned it? Well, he thought, rereading the text. Perhaps they didn't know. Did Cisco know? 

The doctor stood, shutting down the computer and placing the journal back in the desk drawer. He would see for himself.

* * *

"You're dead," Cisco mumbled, backing up from the hallucination of Eobard Thawne. He ran into a shelf and jumped, a fearful expression present on his face. "This is impossible."

"Nothing is impossible, Francisco. I taught you that much," Thawne said, a smile on his face as he stepped closer to the engineer. Cisco flinched.

"Stay the hell away from me!" Cisco turned, grabbing a wrench off the shelf he had backed into, pointing it at Thawne, who only laughed at the younger man's attempt at defense. 

"Do you really think that will harm me, pet?"

"Don't fucking call me that!" Cisco yelled, tears falling down his face. He moved away and towards the door, his eyes not leaving Thawne or the emblem on his yellow suit. G-d, that damn suit.

"You've forgotten who answers to who," Thawne said, his face suddenly going dark. "Perhaps you need another lesson."

Cisco's heart began to beat loudly against his chest. Tears continued to stream down his face. "P-please. G-go away!"

Thawne, in response, walked closer to the terrified man.

* * *

Harry walked quickly down the hall. His pace wasn't a run, not even a jog, but it did show he had somewhere to be and that somewhere was Cisco's workshop. He needed to talk to him. No more waiting to release his knowledge on the young engineer's past. If he had powers, he wanted to know. 

He turned down the hall that housed the entrance to Cisco's workshop. He could hear a voice as if it was talking to itself. Puzzled, he walked a little slower, inching closer and closer to the workshop, the voice coming in much more clear.

"-go away! Just fucking go away!"

That was Cisco's voice. Harry listened for a response, but there was none. Who was he talking to?

"No, no, no! Just go away!" 

Harry could hear the tears in Cisco's voice. He peaked in, making sure to keep himself hidden. Cisco was alone in the workshop, but he started off into empty space as if there were a person there. He had a wrench gripped tightly in his hands.

"Don't call me that, don't call me that!" Cisco yelled, shaking as he continued to point his wrench at thin air.

G-d, was he having a nervous breakdown? Harry had to do something. Right?

The doctor inched into the workshop quietly, not wanting to scare Cisco. 

"Cisco..." Harry said quietly, standing near the entrance of the workshop. Cisco turned rapidly and finally, Harry could see what he looked like. There were large bags under his eyes that were red from crying. He looked terrified and flinched at the sight of Harry.

"T-two? Two?! No, no, go away, please!"

Two?

"Cisco... it's me, it's Harry. Put... put the wrench down, please."

Cisco shook his head rapidly. "No! You're dead! Stay the hell away from me!"

Realization sparked in Harry's mind. Cisco was hallucinating Thawne. And he happened to look like the man Thawne had body-snatched. He was making this worse, he should go get Snow or Allen, the rational part of his brain said. However, he didn't move, only continued to stare at Cisco. If he alerted the others, they would have to know everything. And Cisco was obviously not ready for that. This wasn't Harry's secret to tell. He couldn't. He wouldn't.

"Cisco... listen to me. Whatever you're seeing... it's not real. I'm real. He's not."

Cisco shook his head once more, looking down at his feet. "No... please!"

The wrench fell to the ground, clattering loudly. Cisco placed his hands against his ears and fell to the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest as he sobbed. "I just want him to go away! Why won't he go away?!"

Harry felt his own tears begin to prick the corners of his eyes. He quickly blinked them away and crouched next to Cisco. 

"I'm... Cisco, I know what he did was horrible. You didn't deserve any of it. I'm sorry it happened, I really am. But he's gone. He can't hurt you anymore, I swear."

Cisco looked over towards Harry, his hands slowly falling from his ears. "P-promise?"

Harry gave the younger man a small smile. "I promise."

Unexpectedly, Cisco leaned over towards the doctor and hugged him tightly. Harry was surprised at first, but embraced him, running his hands through Cisco's long hair as he sobbed into Harry's sweater.


	6. Let's Not Pretend Like You're Alone Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. okay. not to discourage higher education but hot damn I am worn out and it's only been two weeks since the semester started. Wowza. anyway, here's a new chapter! I'm trying my hardest, I really am, but I am swapped with reading and algebra homework and other shit so I apologize if updates are spaced further and further apart than usual
> 
> Okay! on with the chapter!!!

> "You're all that I hoped to find  
> In every single way  
> And everything I would give  
> Is everything you couldn't take  
> 'Cause nothing feels like home  
> You're a thousand miles away  
> And the hardest part of living  
> Is just taking breaths to stay  
> 'Cause I know I'm good for something  
> I just haven't found it yet"
> 
> _\- Miserable at Best, Mayday Parade_

* * *

Cisco didn't talk to Harry for three days after his little "outburst" (or, that was what he was calling it, at least). Cisco couldn't face him. He just couldn't. He didn't care if Harry cared about him or wanted to help him. He just couldn't look that man in the eyes. He had completely lost it. Like, full-on meltdown moment. How was he supposed to come back from that? He had cried into the man's shoulder for Christ's sake! Totally embarrassing!

He sighed, brushing back a piece of hair in the way he did when he was stressed. Cisco needed a vacation. Yeah, maybe that was the answer to all of this. Maybe he just needed a long weekend in Coast City. Or Star City. Really anywhere but here, he thought bitterly as he continued to twist his screwdriver, his mind on anything but the project at hand. The screwdriver came down sharply, missing the screw altogether and stabbing Cisco in the hand. He yelped in surprise, throwing the tool down onto the desk. He was bleeding. Great. Well, there was a reason he kept Band-Aids in the top drawer, he bitterly said to himself as he pulled the drawer open and retrieved a Star Wars Band-Aid for his hand.

"You should be more careful."

Cisco jumped in his seat at the new voice, almost letting the bandage fall from his hand and flutter to the tiled ground of his workshop.

Harry. Great. Just great.

"What do you want?" Cisco asked, unpeeling the bandage and applying it to his cut. 

"You haven't spoken to me in days, Ramon."

"Yeah, maybe I just have nothing to say, you ever think of that?"

Cisco stood, not wanting to be in the same room as the man he had sobbed in front of. He tried to pass by him, but Harry grabbed his arm. He froze, fear coursing through his veins Oh no. Oh no, no. no, no, no. No, he was not doing this right now.

"Let me go."

"Cisco, talk to me."

"Let me go, please."

"Just tell me-"

"I said let go of me!"

A burst of energy manifested itself in Cisco's chest and within his shout it released, spreading through the workshop like a tsunami. Harry flew back, smacking his back into a shelf and sending it toppling down. The sound of metal hitting hard flooring echoed throughout the room. Warm blood dripped down Cisco's face but he didn't care or even notice. He stared in shock at what he had done.

"Harry... I'm... I have to..."

"Cisco? Cisco, what's going on?"

Cisco felt his heart begin to beat loudly in his chest. He had to leave. He had to leave now. Cisco ran out of the workshop, ignoring the cries of Caitlin as she begged him to stop and talk to her. He couldn't, he wouldn't. Tears streamed down his face and mixed with the fresh blood. He raced down the stairs, not even looking behind him to see if he was being followed. He just ran. He ran as fast as he possibly could, through Central City and between pedestrians and buildings. He didn't stop until it felt as if his lungs may burst. Cisco had ended up in some alleyway in a part of town he was sure he's never been.

What was happening to him?

He rested his head against the coarse brick, the tears still falling down his face. He tried to use his sweatshirt sleeve to wipe away the tears and the blood but more just replaced what he had cleaned. This was hopeless. Everything was hopeless. He would never be able to escape Thawne. He would always be plagued with the memories of what the man had done to him. And now, these strange powers were developing and it was all too much. Add in the fact that the doppelganger of the man who had abused, tortured, raped, and manipulated was present was enough to send Cisco into a nervous breakdown every second of every day. 

Cisco let out a mangled sob as he buried his face in his crossed arms that rested on the top of his knees. He had pulled his legs up as close to his chest as possible yet all he wanted to do was become even smaller. 

"Cisco."

No. Why? Why was he friends with a man with superspeed?

"L-leave me a-alone," Cisco hiccuped, trying to wipe away the tears so Barry wouldn't see them, though he knew he did anyway.

"Cisco, tell me what's wrong. Please."

"No! Just go away! Please."

Cisco heard the speedster sigh deeply, though he refused to make eye contact with his friend. He couldn't stand to look at him. The thought of the disappointment that would be present in his hazel eyes was enough for Cisco to squeeze his eyes closed as tightly as he possibly could. He knew Barry was still standing there. He hadn't felt the rush of wind that usually accompanied Barry when he sped away.

"Cisco, man, you gotta talk to us. Please."

Cisco shook his head, tears still falling down his face. "You... you can't know. I'm sorry."

Barry walked forward another step, crouching down next to the shorter man. He didn't touch Cisco even though he really wanted to. He needed space, he knew that. That didn't stop him from wanting to comfort his best friend.

"You can tell me anything. Please, Cisco, tell me what's wrong."

Cisco sniffled, finally looking up at Barry, who showed nothing but concern in his eyes. 

"I think I have powers."

* * *

All tests that Caitlin ran on Cisco proved what he had told Barry to be true. He was right. He was a Meta-human.

Cisco thought that perhaps having at least this secret out in the open would make him feel a little better, but it still felt like there was an endless hole of guilt and regret tunneled into his sore stomach. If only none of this had happened to him. What had he done to deserve a cruel hand dealt by an even crueler Fate? Had his suffering not been enough?

"Cisco..." Caitlin had trailed off, obviously not knowing what to say to her now Meta friend. What was she even supposed to say anyway? Sorry this happened, that really sucks. Something along those lines?

"It's... I'm okay," Cisco whispered, willing himself to lock eyes with the doctor, who gave him a sad smile in return. It wasn't okay. In fact, it was as far from okay as it could possibly be. Like, okay was _The City on the Edge of Forever_ and he was at _Spock's Brain._ Terribly far, far away. 

"Ramon."

Cisco looked up to see Harry leaning against the entrance to the med bay. He had a bandage on his forehead, but other than that he looked fine. Cisco still felt guilt rising up in his chest. He had done that. He had hurt him.

"I'm sorry-"

"It wasn't your fault. You couldn't control it and I egged you on. And I'm fine, so you have nothing to worry about, okay?"

Cisco nodded, though he wasn't so sure he believed him. He still felt guilty. Nothing would change that. He was sure of it. A million thoughts were running through his mind like they each had superspeed. Maybe even his thoughts were Metas now, he thought, though it didn't make him smile like it usually would have. He had wanted to figure everything out before his friends found out. He hadn't wanted to just come out and say he had these new abilities because, honestly, he wanted nothing to do with them. They were scary and they hurt and all he wanted was to be normal.

That made him chuckle. Like that would ever happen. Not after what Thawne had done to him.

They couldn't know about that. Not yet, at least. Harry knew and that was already too much for Cisco. He could use it against him. Especially him since he looked like the damn guy. A part of him told himself that Harry wouldn't hurt him, at least not as Thawne had. The less rational part of his mind won out when it cried to Cisco that he was going to get hurt all over again. There was no escape from him. Not even in death.

"Give us a minute?" Harry requested. Caitlin nodded and set her tablet down, exiting the medical bay. Harry turned to look at Cisco, noticing the way he shifted uncomfortably under the doctor's gaze.

"I won't tell them."

Cisco looked up though he didn't meet Harry's eyes. "How do I know I can trust you?"

Harry chuckled dryly. "You don't, I suppose. I guess you'll just have to... take a risk."

Cisco's face darkened. "I'm done taking risks for men who look like you."

Harry said nothing in response. This was going to be harder than he had suspected. Much harder. A lesser man would give up in the face of defeat and alienation.

Harry Wells was not a lesser man.


	7. Does it Almost Feel Like Nothing Changed At All?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my autistic brain sometimes makes schoolwork seem more daunting than it actually is lol  
> enjoy the new chapter and stay safe and healthy y'all!
> 
> oh a little note, i don't personally ship earth-2 wells and cisco romantically (if you do that's great no hate) so like their relationship in this fic may seem romantic but it's more father-son-like.

> "We were caught up and lost in all of our vices  
> In your pose as the dust settled around us"
> 
> _\- Pompeii, Bastille_

* * *

Harry found himself in Earth-1 Wells' office once more. He wasn't sure how he had gotten there. It was almost as if an invisible force had guided him down the desolate halls of S.T.A.R. Labs and led him to the vacant office that held inside it many terrible artifacts. Harry didn't believe in ghosts, but he was willing to be impartial in that moment of the existence of life after death. He sat down in the faux leather desk chair, exhaling as he did. It was not an easy job, yet a job he knew no one else could complete. 

He had to see what remained unviewed on Thawne's computer file.

Harry wanted nothing more than to smash every piece of the desktop with a sledgehammer and burn the journal to a crisp, but the logical side of him that almost always won out told him not to. He had started this quest and he was to finish it to the end. No matter the price. He would never, for as long as he lived, forget the look on Cisco's face when he had sent Harry flying back a good five feet in the workshop. Terror. Like he would be punished for his insubordination. Like Harry would smack him and chain him up and-

Harry shook his head as he pressed the power button on the side of the monitor. He couldn't think of that third one. It was too much. He placed his face in his hands, squeezing his eyes closed tightly. He had always believed that knowing everything you possibly could was necessary to grow as a person and as a scientist. Now he was thinking about the phrase "ignorance is bliss" and how much he wished he had lived by that motto instead. 

The computer had loaded the lock screen and Harry typed in the password from memory, his brain hardly even focused on the task ahead. He was busy thinking of the engineer in his little workshop hiding away from his friends because he was scared they would treat him lesser if they knew the truth about him. A preposterous idea that even Harry, who had known Team Flash personally for less than a month, could see right through. They cared. They really did. It was just a shame Cisco couldn't see that for himself. 

With another exhausted sigh, Harry typed in Thawne's password and clicked on the next video, the pit in his stomach growing wider and wider.

* * *

Cisco knew they were standing in the doorway before they had even made a sound. He knew his friends. They were like that.

"What'd you need?" Cisco mumbled, not turning around to face them as he continued to type on his computer, hoping if he looked disinterested enough they would simply leave.

"Cisco... I think we need to talk."

That wasn't Barry or Caitlin. It wasn't Iris. It wasn't even Harry.

It was Joe.

Cisco and Joe were friends, of course. They had spent time together at CCPD, had a few lunches together. Cisco never considered themselves the closest, but Joe was like a sort of father figure to Cisco. There had definitely been days where he just wanted to run to Joe and tell him everything that Wells- Thawne- had done to him. The rape and the scars and the abuse. Everything. He had never done it because he couldn't stand the thought of Joe dead because of him. Because Thawne would have killed him. Cisco knew it.

"I'm fine, Joe," Cisco insisted, still not turning. He couldn't deal with this right now. He had to focus on work. Anything to keep his mind off everything going on with himself lately. 

"No, Cisco, you're not."

The younger man finally ceased typing and turned to face the elder, a sorrowful look on his tired face. He looked on the verge of tears but he held them back.

"There's just a lot going on for me right now," he admitted, watching as the detective took a seat on a stray stool he had lying around his workshop (which had quickly been cleaned up by Barry).

"I heard. Barry told me you're a Meta."

Cisco nodded weakly, not wanting to be having a conversation at all. But this was Joe. Joe wouldn't hurt him or punish him or make fun of him. He would sit and listen just like he would do with his own children. 

"How did finding that out make you feel?"

G-d, it was like he was in therapy or something. Cisco ran a calloused hand through his long hair that was in desperate need of a good conditioning. "Scared. I'd been having weird dreams... but I thought they were just nightmares. And then... I hurt Harry."

"You didn't hurt him. Well, that much. Harry doesn't blame you, you know that right?"

Cisco nodded again though he wasn't so sure he actually agreed with what Joe was saying. "I just wish I never got these powers."

Joe frowned. "I know it's scary right now, but you're very brave Cisco. And strong. If anyone can handle these new powers, it's you."

Cisco highly doubted that, but he wasn't about to say that to Joe. "Okay."

Jow smiled sadly. He looked like he wanted to say something else but he didn't. He simply stood from his stool and gave Cisco one last look. "You can talk to me about anything. Okay?"

"Okay," Cisco said, meaning it that time.

With one las reassuring, fatherly smile, Joe left, feeling a bit inadequate as a father.

* * *

Harry watched the video without wincing. He hated to think it, but perhaps he was used to such cruel and unsettling imagery. It was a sickening thought at the very least. The screams of past Cisco poured through the speakers so loudly that he hadn't noticed anyone come in. He quickly clicked pause, a light blush appearing on his face. He looked up at the doorway, his heart pounding in his chest so hard he was afraid it might just rip through skin and bones and land limply on the floor.

Cisco.

He looked emotionless as he gazed at Harry. "Don't stop on my account."

Harry stood slowly, not wanting to scare the shorter man. "What're you doing here?"

"I came to fucking destroy that damn machine. You can finish, though, if you'd like."

Harry gave Cisco an appalled look. No, he didn't want to finish it!

"I'm not going to finish it if you don't want me to."

Cisco shrugged, taking a couple of steps into the office and sitting in the same seat he had sat in on one of Thawne's videos. Harry shivered at the memory.

"I didn't want to interrupt."

"Cisco, can we talk about... this?'

The engineer seemed to be thinking over Harry's question as if it were the most complicated sentences ever spoken by man. "I don't want to be a bother."

"You'll never be a bother."

Cisco snorted and gave Harry a look that told the taller man that he doubted him very much so. "What part did you get to? Anything good?"

Harry stiffened at the man's aloofness about the entire situation. "Cisco, you're scaring me."

"Why?"

"Because," Harry said, walking closer to the man. "You're not acting like yourself."

Cisco laughed loudly, which made Harry worry even more. "How do you know what I'm like. You hardly know me. Everything you know about me comes from videos of a man that looks like you beating the hell outta me."

"That's not true-"

"Did you enjoy it? Perhaps you want to do the same? Would you also like to hurt me? Beat me? Chain me up? Rape me? Is that it, Dr. Wells? Are you jealous? Jealous that I'm broken and used?"

"Cisco, stop it!" Harry said, his heart breaking at the young man's words. What had gotten into him?

Cisco stood rapidly from the seat, inching closer and closer to the doctor. "Do you want to fuck me in the ass, doctor? Do you want to lock me up in a room for days and lie to my friends, tell them I'm ill and can't come to work? Do you want to hit me where the bruises don't show? Do you want to manipulate me into your own personal slave? Huh? Make me hurt and beg and plea? Is that what you want!?"

Cisco was very close to Harry now. Tears streamed down his face as he weakly threw his fists against Harry's chest, who didn't move in response.

"Do you want to whip me? Cut me? Burn me? Do you want to punish me because I didn't tell you I was going to see a movie with Barry? Or perhaps threaten to kill anybody I tell about you, how you hurt me and abuse me and make me feel like nothing? Am I nothing to you? Is that what I am? Am I nothing?"

Harry had taken Cisco's wrists in his hands, letting the engineer struggle. 

"Am I nothing?" Cisco sobbed, looking into Harry's eyes like an innocent child. Like Jesse did when she was scared.

Harry pulled Cisco into a tight hug. "No, you're not nothing. You're everything."

Cisco continued to cry, his tears soaking Harry's shirt. The older man didn't care, though. He just continued to hug Cisco tightly.

Like he would do for Jesse.


	8. Looking For Answers in the Pouring Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go watch king of Staten Island right now you won't regret trust me

> "Funny how it seems like yesterday  
> As I recall you were looking out of place  
> Gathered up your things and slipped away  
> No time at all I followed you into the hall  
> Cigarette daydream  
> You were only seventeen  
> Soft speak with a mean streak  
> Nearly brought me to my knees"
> 
> _\- Cigarette Daydreams, Cage the Elephant_

* * *

"Uh... guys? Meta attack at Central City Bank."

Barry looked over at Iris, who sat at the comms table, her fingers typing rapidly.

"On it!" Barry replied, getting ready to super speed into his suit.

"Barry, wait," Caitlin said, walking out of the medical unit. "Take Cisco with you. It looks like a two-man job. And besides, you've been training, right?"

Cisco finally looked up from where he sat in the corner of the Cortex, a quizzical look on his face. Everyone looked at him expectedly.

"Yeah, no, for sure, give me two minutes to change," Cisco stood, walking to his workshop where he kept his new suit. He really didn't want to go out in the field. He knew Caitlin only said something cause she was worried about him. He wasn't that dumb, he knew they were all thinking that he was acting weird and withdrawn. Not to mention it had only been a few weeks since everyone found out about his Meta powers. He hadn't gone out in the field yet. he's been knocking targets over in the training room and tinkering with his Vibe goggles. And, of course, ignoring Harry. 

Ever since his last breakdown in Well's office he had felt embarrassed to be around the doctor. He knew deep down that the man wouldn't judge him or make him feel bad about opening up, but that didn't stop that tiny part of his brain from telling him that given the chance, Harry would use his emotions against him. He could do exactly what Thawne had done, Cisco thought as he pulled on his uniform pants. No. He really didn't want to think about that.

Cisco was ready in the two minutes he had promised and had joined Barry in the Cortex, his Vibe goggled covering his eyes. He gave a weak smile and a small nod before Barry grabbed him and they were off. He tried not to think about how Thawne had used to rush him around at superspeed. He just squeezed his eyes closed and prayed that it would soon be over. And it was, of course. It only took a few seconds for the two Metas to arrive at the bank, the building's alarms ringing loudly against Cisco's eardrums.

"What's going on here?" Barry asked, staring straight at the two men attempting to steal money from the vault. They froze, looking over towards Barry and Cisco.

"Flash. I see you have a new friend," One said, tossing his duffel aside.

"Oh, yeah he does," Cisco smiled, his hands raised and ready to shoot a sonic blast. He had been practicing and he almost always hit his target. Almost always.

"Man, don't-"

The first man shushed the second, stepping closer to Cisco and Barry. "Let's see what you're made of."

It took Cisco a few seconds to process what the Meta's powers were. In those few seconds that Cisco stared at the man in awe as he summoned- were those _knives?_ \- from his body, he had started throwing them expertly, one almost hitting Cisco if it hadn't been for Barry shoving him out of the way. Cisco stumbled a bit, but caught his footing, shooting a sonic blast at the Meta, who just moved out of the way like he was Neo in The Matrix. Cisco scoffed and was about to throw another until he felt a stabbing pain in his abdomen.

He looked down, his vision beginning to fuzz around the edges. A knife. There was a knife in his stomach. Great.

"Vibe!" he heard Barry cry out. He didn't reply. Suddenly, the knife was harshly removed and returned to the knife Meta, a wicked smile on the man's face. 

There was a lot of blood. Too much blood. There was so much blood that it was no longer a red color. It was more brownish-black than anything else. Cisco was aware he should feel scared about that, but he really didn't feel anything. He could feel his knees give out and he vaguely released he had fallen to the ground. He wondered if Barry had gotten the robbers. He hoped so. Because then, what was the point? What was the point of anything?

"Vibe... Cisco, can you hear me? Cisco, look at me."

His goggles were off. That meant Barry had gotten the bad guys, right. He tried to find Barry's face in the swirling colors of awfulness that clouded his sight, but it was hard to focus. All he wanted to do was sleep. Sleep would be nice. Who would clean up all this blood? Terrible job. He felt bad. He could feel himself being lifted up and carried bridal style. Maybe he was already dead. He wasn't sure. There was a gust of wind that passed through his hair. His eyes drooped closed and his last thought was that of thinking he had finally escaped.

* * *

"What happened?!" Caitlin demanded as Barry rushed into S.T.A.R. Labs, a limp Cisco in his arms. There was so much blood. Too much in Caitlin's opinion, but any blood in her medical opinion was too much. Barry placed him on a medical bed and they set to work taking his Vibe jacket off.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Harry demanded, walking quickly over to the medical bay. Caitlin didn't look up from where she was preparing her medical tools.

"I need his shirt off to treat the wound."

"Let me do it. I'll do it."

"Caitlin's a medical doctor, Wells."

Harry looked nervous and Barry wasn't sure why. What was the problem with taking off Cisco's shirt? Sure, he knew his friend was modest. He had personally never seen him without a shit on, not even when they went to the pool that one time, but this was a medical emergency. He would understand. 

When Barry removed the plain black T-shirt Cisco wore under his uniform, he suddenly saw the problem.

There were scars. A lot of scars. Not the type you get from childhood accidents. The type you get from torture and abuse. Caitlin froze, an IV in her hand stopped midway.

"Where did these come from?" she breathed, shock still rippling over her body. Burns. Cuts. Were those whip marks?

"Snow, the IV, now! Sew up that wound and get him a transfusion," Wells ordered, his eyes dark behind his glasses. Caitlin nodded, getting back into her cool medical personality as she worked as clinically on Cisco as possible. Maybe if she pretended he was just some guy in an emergency room she could get through it.

He looked worn out. She hadn't noticed before. Was she a terrible friend for not noticing how he was looking thinner? Or that he had bags under his eyes? How his skin seemed paler than usual? Did that make her a terrible friend or a terrible doctor? Maybe both, she thought as she ordered Barry to retrieve a blood bag from the bio fridge. She couldn't do this. She couldn't remain detached from it all. Her friend was lying on a table with a stab wound and evidence of past abuse. She should have noticed. It was her duty as a medical professional and as a friend.

When she had finally gotten Cisco stabilized, she breathed a sigh of relief. He would live another day. That was what mattered at the moment, she reminded herself. She began to patch up the wound, conscious of Barry and Harry watching over her shoulder. Barry looked stressed. But Harry looked the same as ever. Was the detachment? Just the ever-present need to conceal all emotions like a bitchy Vulcan? Or was there something more behind his expression?

Did he already know?

* * *

Cisco blinked his eyes open, wincing at how bright the medical bay light was. What had happened? The last thing he remembered was a Meta that could sprout fucking knives from his body, which was cool in literally any other context than him being on the opposing side. Could he call him Blade, or was that copyrighted? He would have to look it up to be sure.

"Cisco, you're awake."

He looked over, meeting the smiling face of Dr. Caitlin Snow. There was something sad about her expression that Cisco just couldn't quite make out. Perhaps he was imagining it.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," Barry's voice spoke next, the same sad smile on his face. Ok, maybe it wasn't all in his head after all.

"What's up, guys?"

"You took quite a beating, Mr. Ramon," Harry said from where he leaned against the wall, his usual emotionless mask fastened tightly on his face. 

Cisco shrugged. "How long was I out?"

"Only about a day," Joe replied, a nervous look on his face from where he sat in the corner of the medical bay. 

"What's wrong?"

"Hmm?"

Cisco looked between Barry and Caitlin. "What's wrong? Y'all are acting hella weird."

Caitlin exchanged a look with Barry, which just made Cisco more nervous. He looked towards Harry, hoping for some help, but the man only gave him his usual look. Emotionless. Great.

"Cisco, we noticed... scars," Caitlin said, her eyes not meeting Cisco's.

Fuck. Damn it. Great, just great.

"Snow, he doesn't want to talk about it," Harry said, his voice sounding dangerously on edge.

"No, Harry... they deserve to know."

Cisco took a deep breath, his heart beating quickly in his chest. This was it. He knew he would have to tell them eventually. He just never knew it would come so soon. And that it would be forced upon him.

"Okay... It started... when I began working at S.T.A.R. Labs. Wells... Thawne, I guess... he gave me this job. He believed in me when no one else did. He was my hero. So... when he asked if I wanted to have dinner... I said yes. He was so nice. I knew it was weird, dating your boss, but we didn't care. We were in love."

Cisco could feel tears begin to form in his eyes, but he continued anyway. 

"It didn't start for a while. I guess he was getting me to trust him. But he hit me. I... I hadn't called to tell him I would be late coming home. It was my fault. I... deserved it. But after that, he got meaner. And angrier. Until one day... he stood from his wheelchair. He said if I told anyone the truth... that he was The Reverse Flash... he would kill you all. I couldn't let that happen, so I kept my mouth shut. And he just got worse. He..."

Cisco knew tears were falling down his face and he knew he looked weak but he couldn't help it. He wrapped his arms around his body. "He raped me. A lot. He would beat me when I disobeyed. Like, if dinner wasn't done when he wanted it or if the bathroom wasn't clean. If I went out without his permission. He would beat me with his belt a lot. He liked that one the best. He burned me a few times too. Lots of... lots of things, I can't... I'm sorry!"

Cisco began to sob into his hands. He couldn't stop. It all just came pouring out of him like a tidal wave of bad emotions. He knew there were gentle hands on his back but he could only focus on the terrible memories that rose in his brain. 

"Cisco... I wish you would have told me. I could have taken him in," Joe said in his sad parental voice.

"He would have killed you! I couldn't let you die because of me!"

"Shhh, Cisco, it's okay. You're safe. He's gone and he won't hurt you ever again. I promise."

Cisco nodded at the sound of Barry's voice, hiccuping as he tried to calm his crying down. For the first time in a long time, though, he didn't care that he looked weak or that he was crying in front of everyone.

Because "everyone" was his friends. His family. They weren't going to hurt him. He finally understood that.

He accepted the hug from Barry, burying his face into his shirt. Safe. That was how he felt. He didn't remember the last time he felt like this.

Like he was home.


	9. How Could a Night So Frozen Be So Scalding Hot?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! i am back with another chapter! sorry it's been a hot second, college is stressful and I've been having writer's block on this fic, but i hope you've enjoyed it so far. this will be the last chapter (or will it...? that depends on if you want a sequel or not...)
> 
> enjoy!

> "Why am I the witness?  
> And when I capture it on film  
> Will it mean that it's the end and I'm alone?"
> 
> _\- Halloween, Rent_

* * *

Cisco's fingers ran over the keyboard of the computer in his workshop. He was focused on coding a new piece of tech to go with his Vibe uniform. Music played softly in the background on his speaker and he was actually rather content.

There was a soft knock at the doorframe and he turned, watching as Harry stood there with his arms clasped behind his back, a neutral look on his face.

"I'm ready when you are."

Cisco nodded, taking a deep breath before pausing the music and saving his code, standing from his desk and following Harry outside to the S.T.A.R. Labs back parking lot. There were a couple of the lab vans and a few cars that belonged to the members of the team. And, of course, a desktop computer and its monitor, waiting in the middle for Cisco. He took a shaky breath before approaching the objects like they would hurt him if he came too close to them. They seemed so innocent, but Cisco knew what they truly held within them. He looked over at Harry, who was standing back, the same emotionless look on his face.

Cisco raised his hands up and shot a sonic blast at Eobard Thawne's computer, destroying it completely.

And he smiled. And so did Harry as he lit a match and threw it on top of a leather-bound journal that sat near the demolished computer, a photograph peeking out from in between its pages.

And they watched as Thawne's reign of terror was no more.

* * *

Like all things, recovery takes time, and Cisco acknowledged that, at least to a certain extent. He agreed to bi-weekly therapy and he had even gotten back on a semi-normal sleeping and eating schedule, especially since every Friday night was family dinner at Joe's. 

Harry was growing on him. The man was a lot less of a pain in the ass than he had been. Of course, there was still bickering and little fights, but it was just the way they portrayed their friendship.

When Cisco looked at Harry he no longer saw him as a threat.

He saw him as a friend.

* * *

Cisco watched as Iris threw popcorn at Barry's head, the Speedster expertly dodging her hit. Caitlin, who was usually the appointed mom friend, was currently joining in, a bright smile on her face as Barry caught a piece of popcorn she threw in his mouth. Joe and Harry talked about things somewhere in the kitchen, obviously letting the "kids" hang out.

And Cisco knew right then that no matter what, everything would be okay. 

Well, that was before a blur of yellow passed through the West's living room and grabbed him roughly by the arm, sending him spiraling into the night away from his family.


End file.
